A safe place means different things to different people.
For a straight talker, a safe place is someone or a community where she feels she can speak the truth as it is, without having to rephrase it to be “politically correct” or diplomatic. While to another who is not a straight talker, a safe place for her could be a place where the way of communication is indirect and has to go through many rounds before getting to the point.
Through my own walk with the Lord, I have learned that a safe place is a place where things are seen the way the Lord sees them. That to me is not just a safe place, but the safest place. Perhaps this is what Paul was trying to tell the church during his time, to speak the truth in love. The Lord is love, so speak the truth the way the Lord sees it. And most of the time, if you care to ask Him what He sees, situation or person, what He sees is so different from ours.
That is why feeling, based on what we see or hear, is often not a good source to rely on. Most of the time, they are not the truth and it is not reliable. Only His judgment is truly reliable.
How do You see it, Lord?
In the past, the natural thing for me to do was to react according to an incident or situation, it always left me feeling frustrated. And every time I went to the Lord afterward, He surprised me by the way He saw it. He did not deny what happened, but often He would tell me the reason the person behaved or reacted that way.
Hence over time, I have been learning to listen more in order to discern the real situation, hearing from the other party’s heart, rather than just what he or she is saying at face value. This includes asking why whenever I can. This helps me to see deeper into the real reason of issue - and yes, it's the Lord who taught me this, too.
Seeing from the eyes of love
Seeing from His heart is seeing from the eyes of love, and honestly, I really love that. Because I believe everyone has a story. Whenever I see or even experience a rude or unkind word or gesture, of course it affects me, but the Lord has trained me not to react, instead, He invited me to a conversation. I would ask the Lord why the person acted that way, and then I would wait and discern the person per the Lord's heart. Most of the time, the Lord shows me that these people react to their past or their fear or their hurt. Sometimes the Lord would show me a glimpse of their lives and that will melt my heart.
This is also why I love asking questions, especially to service staff, most of the time it breaks the toughness they display and before time, they would feel at ease when they see that the customer is harmless. Asking questions helps me to discern. No wonder the Lord advises us to be slow to speak and quick to listen. The more we listen the more understanding we get, and the fuller the picture we see.
Now, I've walked with Him enough to know He does not respond to complaints. He will not answer. He responds though to real questions, sincerely wanting to know, not those with the intent to blame. And the Lord always has good things to say about anyone. His thoughts are so honourable. Always. He can always see the gold in every person. He created us after all, He knows what He builds in each of us.
Jesus, our true love
I have learned that people tend to show only the best sides of themselves. I understand, I had some of that too growing up. But most of the time that backlash against ourselves and we end up lingering in that false safety for far too long. A true safe place is someone or a community where you can be the real you in Christ and get support to be that.
As an example, your friend or perhaps your child might have a tendency to run away every time things get hard in her life, be it school exams or work project or a friendship where there are disagreements. In today’s world's definition, a safe place is patting her on the back and running away together with her, doing something she likes, supporting whatever her decision, even though it is not the right decision. But a true safe place here is for you to continue to remind her of who she is in Christ and assure her that you will be there in this journey with her until she becomes who Christ wants her to be, instead of staying in the old identity.
Because that is what the Lord Himself is like being our safe place. He always reminds us, sometimes even challenges us to be who we already are. Sure, the Lord is there with us while we lick our wounds, but His healing and His presence exist in the spirit realm, meaning in the truth of His word, and not in our emotions. His Holy Spirit in us bears witness only to the truth. That is why it is so important to see anything, a person or situation, the way He sees it. And He said, love each other the way I love you. How does the Lord see us?
He sees us beautiful, He sees us kind, honourable, and complete. He calls us faithful like He called Abraham. He calls us strong when we feel cowardice like He did to Gideon. He sees us as kings like He did David when he was just a shepherd boy. And He does not lie, He says so because that is what He sees. His reality is the REALity.
Truly Jesus is our true love, someone who really knows you (who you are in Christ) and loves you the most (will help you to be who God makes you to be). As we are loved to the wholeness by the Lord, we will become someone else's true love, too.
My prayer is you will see your relationship with the Lord Jesus in this light and be empowered to be who He already made you as, and this truth of a safe place will transform all the relationships in your life, filled with love and peace in Christ. Amen.
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwells in us, and his love is perfected in us.
Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.
And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.
Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwells in him, and he in God.
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.
We love him, because he first loved us.
1 John 4:10-19
